I have been dating online, on and off, for around 4 years. In that time, especially recently, it seems to me, from the profiles I have been reading, that women, particularly in their 40’s and early 50’s, are looking to date younger men, rather than wanting to date men who are a little bit older than them, like me, who is in his middle 50’s. From a sociological perspective, I find this interesting in that census data for New York City indicates that of single men and women in the City, 53% are composed of single women (for all age groups), compared to 47% male, and that gap is even greater in Manhattan. Also, Manhattan has a significant gay male population (which I have read makes up around 9-12% of the City’s population), so the gap between single heterosexual women versus heterosexual men, is probably even greater, even taking into account a considerable gay female population in New York.

So what might be causing this trend for college-graduate and advanced degree women to seek younger men?  There is no simple answer, as it is a complicated issue and not going to be fully discussed in my short blog post, but from my observations I believe some of the factors involved in this trend include the fact that the women in this age group are deeply vested into their careers, are financially self-sufficient, have developed a group of similarly disposed female friends that they travel and spend time with, and are not as driven to have children as women in their 20’s and 30’s, so the traditional need to be in a long-term relationship with a man is not as strong. Also, as men and women get into their 40’s and 50’s, I believe the stakes of getting together are higher (more disruptive to one’s life, etc.), than in one’s 20’s and 30’s, and there might be a sense that being with an older man is a repeat of past relationships that have gone bad.

So as a consequence, there is a greater desire of women in this age bracket (late 30’s and early 40’s) to seek out younger men. However, I believe that co-equal men (e.g., income, social status, etc.) in their late 30’s and early 40’s, generally have a more traditional outlook, and have their eyes on even younger women, in their late 20’s and early 30’s, particularly if they want to have a family. Which bring me to an interesting August 25, 2015 article I read in the New York Post, by Reed Tucker, Sorry, ladies, there really is a man shortage, where he discusses how college-educated women should consider dating working-class men since they would be more disposed to date older educated women, so called “mixed collar” marriages, than white-collar men.

From my perspective, this development leaves me in a bit of a quandary, since I still do hold onto the traditional notion of only dating younger women (for me, in their 40’s and early 50’s), so I am finding that pool increasingly smaller than it was when I started dating online. My thought is that age differences, as a first impression, are not so pronounced when you meet someone in person (versus online), so as a consequence, I plan on shifting more of my time to doing activities to meet women, than using an online service. At least, that’s the plan for 2016. I’ll see how that goes.